I took a quick stroll, on the day after Christmas, through the new and now infamous “Bollard Zone” of downtown Winters. And yes, there were indeed two groups of people looking at, talking about, and giggling just a tad too much, about our fine, newly installed Winters bollards!

Amazingly, just two weeks ago, few if us even knew what a BOLLARD was! And now we have learned so much. But still, so many questions need to be answered!

First, we need to ask for some explanation of just why the City chose to purchase and install these uncircumcised bollards. Yes, indeed – just take a quick glance and you’ll know immediately that these solid bollards are indeed uncircumcised! Just how was this purchase decision made? Were circumcised bollards available? Were City religious leaders consulted? Wouldn’t circumcised bollards, being somewhat, uh, thinner near the top, have cost less?

Second, I am pleased to hear that Winters has received so much free publicity about our boffo bollards, on TV from KOVR-13 in Sacramento, and on various internet sites. But I have heard no reports about the reaction from other small cities where I am sure these very same bollards have previously been installed. Yes, most certainly, before we got our bollards, other cities had already purchased and placed the very same bollards at their favorite intersections!  But those cities apparently garnered no publicity at all. I’d can’t help but wonder if these other cities are looking at Winters, and feeling a little bit of “bollard envy” right now!

A third question that comes to mind is the impact of our new bollards on the all-important City of Winters quest for a City Motto or Slogan. Just think of the new branding possibilities now available to us, such as:   Winters: Where Our Bollards Stand Tall!   Or, perhaps, Winters: Where Pedestrian Safety Gives Us a Chuckle and a Smirk. Or maybe some simple alliteration,   Winters:  Bollards Beside the Buckhorn.

Finally, another great opportunity is suddenly available for Winters. We can now add a new annual decorating contest! We’ve had so much fun and success with the annual Winters Scarecrow Decorating Contest, why not have a competition for Bollard Decorating?

Yes, I know, you are already thinking of wrapping a bollard in plastic and writing “Trojan” on the side. But that’s just too easy! There are so many more imaginative possibilities!   Our bollards could become little painted people, or a garden ring of mushrooms, or perhaps they could be soldiers, since they already seem to be wearing  German army helmets from World War Two. There are so many cute little bollards. And so many great decorating possibilities!

Who could have possibly known how much fun the Winters BOLLARDS would really be?!